Yippee!! I just wanted to let you all know I have finally got my computer connected to the internet and this is my first post using it from home. Thanks to Gary for letting me use his computer for so long, now im up and running I intend to blog alot more regularly.
Wouldn't this weather drive you mad? I've never know a summer so wet and miserable in all my life! As I type this blog the rain is pelting down and lashing against my window.
I had a good piece of news today. I had been stressed all week as I had a medical interiew scheduled for 11.00am today to assess my eligibillity for Incapacity Benefit. However, on my arrival I was informed that due to further investigation at my doctor's they had recieved sufficient evidence to not need to see me that day. All that stress for nothing! However, the good news is they will now leave me alone and let me get on with getting better.
Sorry I missed you all on Friday night it would of been nice to see you but I'm sure we will have a get together again soon.
Just a short blog today but stay tuned for more misery at a later date (only kidding).
See ya,
Simon
Friday, 13 July 2007
Monday, 9 July 2007
Dont' You Sometimes Feel Like Screaming?
Hello everyone thanks for your supportive comments, as always it is nice to know there are people out there rooting for me!
I have got my computer out of its box now after looking at it with terror for the last few weeks. I was convinced there would be problems getting it on-line and guess what- there was! Virgin Media had only gone and supplied me with a start-up disc that was incompatible with my computer's operating system! I will be taking it to the American Clubhouse on wednesday to have it sorted out by a guy who works there, so hopefully I will be on-line soon!
I did manage 8 days smoke-free and was finding it quite easy, but I had 3 lots of very bad news concerning my benefits in the space of a few days. I was that stressed-out, I cracked and started smoking again (those bastards at the DWP have got alot to answer for!!). This really depressed me, but I have made an appointment with the smoking therapist and am going to a booster session on the 29th of this month, so hopefully I will stop for good this time. The really annoying thing about all this is I am convinced that had I gone a month or so before all that stress I would not of started smoking again!
At the moment I have been suffering very much from a return of the depression that seems to dog me every time I try to do something positive and things go wrong, or not quite to plan.
I confess that a couple of saturdays in a row a few weeks ago I sought solace and an escape from the ever-present and overwhelming negative, depressing thoughts by taking some amphetamine. I had a great time whilst I was out on the town with some friends but then earlier on this last week I started to feel really unwell mentally and I think the amphetamine was to blame. I know it was a really stupid thing to do and I don't deserve any sympathy, but I was so desperate to get some relief from the torment I was feeling.
I have stopped taking it now and vowed never to take it again, but the depression has come back with avengence. Sometimes I feel like just ending it all because I feel so miserable and stressed-out over every little thing, but I am trying my best to cope. I just get sick and tired of being sick and tired if you know what I mean?
I am doing this CCMH course if it kills me, but I feel very unsure about the prospect of ever being consistently well enough to go back to work. I will return to my Kung-fu when I feel better, and I try to console myself with the thought that I do have friends and family, no matter how lonely I feel, and that is alot more than some people have. Gary is a real friend to me and he is someone that I know I can trust, especially when I am feeling really low, and that is priceless! Thanks to all the people at media action, particularly Emma Brown, for their unwavering support and positivity. I hope that somehow this mindblogging can be kept going despite the withdrawal of funding, because it is a brilliant vehicle for people to support each other and speak from the heart.
Take care everyone and remember that there are people out there who care!
Simon x
I have got my computer out of its box now after looking at it with terror for the last few weeks. I was convinced there would be problems getting it on-line and guess what- there was! Virgin Media had only gone and supplied me with a start-up disc that was incompatible with my computer's operating system! I will be taking it to the American Clubhouse on wednesday to have it sorted out by a guy who works there, so hopefully I will be on-line soon!
I did manage 8 days smoke-free and was finding it quite easy, but I had 3 lots of very bad news concerning my benefits in the space of a few days. I was that stressed-out, I cracked and started smoking again (those bastards at the DWP have got alot to answer for!!). This really depressed me, but I have made an appointment with the smoking therapist and am going to a booster session on the 29th of this month, so hopefully I will stop for good this time. The really annoying thing about all this is I am convinced that had I gone a month or so before all that stress I would not of started smoking again!
At the moment I have been suffering very much from a return of the depression that seems to dog me every time I try to do something positive and things go wrong, or not quite to plan.
I confess that a couple of saturdays in a row a few weeks ago I sought solace and an escape from the ever-present and overwhelming negative, depressing thoughts by taking some amphetamine. I had a great time whilst I was out on the town with some friends but then earlier on this last week I started to feel really unwell mentally and I think the amphetamine was to blame. I know it was a really stupid thing to do and I don't deserve any sympathy, but I was so desperate to get some relief from the torment I was feeling.
I have stopped taking it now and vowed never to take it again, but the depression has come back with avengence. Sometimes I feel like just ending it all because I feel so miserable and stressed-out over every little thing, but I am trying my best to cope. I just get sick and tired of being sick and tired if you know what I mean?
I am doing this CCMH course if it kills me, but I feel very unsure about the prospect of ever being consistently well enough to go back to work. I will return to my Kung-fu when I feel better, and I try to console myself with the thought that I do have friends and family, no matter how lonely I feel, and that is alot more than some people have. Gary is a real friend to me and he is someone that I know I can trust, especially when I am feeling really low, and that is priceless! Thanks to all the people at media action, particularly Emma Brown, for their unwavering support and positivity. I hope that somehow this mindblogging can be kept going despite the withdrawal of funding, because it is a brilliant vehicle for people to support each other and speak from the heart.
Take care everyone and remember that there are people out there who care!
Simon x
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