Hi everyone. Sorry i haven't posted for so long but i've been spending a bit too much time in bed lately and have been really lazy and unmotivated. I still feel quite depressed but nowhere as bad as i have been in the past so that's something to be glad of i suppose. I hope everyone is doing o.k. and things are going pretty well. I will be checking out some other peoples' blogs and posting a few comments soon so watch this space.
Nothing major has happened in the few weeks since my last blog apart from me starting to assist co-ordinating at some meetings run by "Changes" which is a mental health charity for anyone who doesn't know. There are many more things i would like to do if only i could get off my backside and stop being so lazy and negative about everything. Trouble is i do experience alot of low moods and feel so unmotivated that i keep slipping back into old bad habits and unhelpful behaviour. I'll keep on trying though because one thing is, despite many failures, i'm not a quitter, and my friends and family help me to keep on going even when everything keeps going tits-up.
There is also a good support network for me consisting of the mental health services and Brighter Futures with whom i am housed (a BRILLIANT organisation) plus Phoenix and Brunswick House for when things are getting too much; so i am very lucky really as many people do not have such resources or support to draw on and my admiration goes out to them for coping as well as they do. I've been feeling very lonely lately, and spending alot of time thinking about my life with my ex-partner of 9yrs that i split-up with over 4 yrs ago which i know isn't healthy but is nearly always in the background. I have many regrets about the way i've lived my life and the way things have turned out, but i guess we all have, and by doing this self-torture i am not only causing myself emotional pain i am also preventing myself from moving forward. I feel so afraid of messing-up my life again that i keep holding myself back from taking any chances incase things go wrong and this is why i feel so unhappy because i feel trapped and stagnant.
Please post me some encouragement because i could really do with a lift at the moment and it makes a real difference to know people out there are actually reading my stuff and taking the time to respond.
Take it easy everyone and i hope to hear from you soon (or should that be 'read from you soon'?
Love and best wishes to you all,
Simon
Led Zeppelin & Van Halen
Two of the best rock bands EVER!
Me on a bad day!!
Stephen King -one of my favourite authors
My favourite Band
The Band That Started my Rocker Days
ZZ Top
The Cool Bearded Dudes!!
6 comments:
Hope you feel more positive soon, keep slogging away. Don't feel bad for allowing yourself some duvet time, but try to accomplish something every day, even if it is only washing up or cooking a proper meal or going for a walk to post a letter. Try to think of at least one goal for the following day before you go to bed - mine is often to just reply to e-mails and stuff, cos when I get depressed I don't want to talk to anyone. If you can say to yourself -yes, I've accomplished sothnig today' it gives you a sense of self-worth. I write things on a dry-wipe board in my bedroom, and then wipe them off when I've done them - this is also useful cos my memory sucks!
Hi Simon-
As you and I have discussed on many a time; your life is going around in circles. Only you can stop that 'spinning top' and have it rest at the place that creates your 'happy medium.'
Despite you consistently dwelling on your negative aspects. I have witnessed many positive things occurring in your life. You must start to recognise your positive situations as the 'real deal.' You know it is too easy to be cynical.
You know their a strong support network for you. Family, friends and Organisations who embrace your ethos. Focus on all the good is happening to you.
I told you that at any time you were feeling down and isolated in your flat. You can call me. You can visit me or I can visit you.
Like many others, I have extended you a hand of genuine caring. I have given you the opportunity to use my computer to express to the world who Simon is.
Please embrace our encouragement and reassurance. You are a good guy Simon. Time for you to realise this and break the cycle.
Warm regards adanac67.
hya simon,
so happy to see your post!
i'm sorry to hear things have been far from great for you of late, but i'm glad to hear your soldiering on!
its a funny old thing 'life' when you come to think of it. i can totally identify with your point about wanting to change and move forward but being held back by the 'what if it goes wrong' thought in the back of your head!
without boring you with my life story i'll keep it brief(ish)...
for many years i didn't do very much at all, due to the 'what if' factor that seemed to play an all mighty dominance over most of my thinking.
the only thing i can say is, there's no way of knowing if things are gona go the way you plan or not but on law of averages type thing the more things you do do the more of them will be a success if ya with me?
cuz in my case i found that everything became such a big deal when i did pluck up the courage to do something or was forced to make changes, that i put such emphasis on the outcome that it was really noticeable when it didn't work out.
however now i just go for everything, don't put a lot of thought into anything much, so its a bonus when they do work out! and if they don't i'll be focusing on doing something else anyway so it isn't such a blow!
i'm not saying its an easy change to make, to be honest my change of approach was forced by circumstances out of my control that i wouldn't have chosen -but- in every cloud and all that. its learned me to just go for things!
anyway i'll stop keeping on now, me point is - keep on keeping on simon, consider the bad time you've been having of late is a mere blip on the scale of the rest of your life! Things always change. sometimes for the better sometimes not but they do always change, so, stay strong simon!
i'll be thinking of you and look forward to reading your next post!
purkul
x
Hi Simon,
It is really great to see you back!
Reading your post, the first thing that comes across is how hard you are being on yourself. You say you are lazy(not so!) What you are experiencing and feeling is not laziness, but the effects of the negative self-talk, which drains ALL our energy(mentally, emotionally AND physically) So do try to be gentle with yourself (it really makes a difference)
It is hard to become motivated when feeling depressed I know,(It's hard to even function on the most basic level)
But I have found if you can learn to step back and monitor and observe your thoughts, then for every negative thought learn to replace it with a positive one or just observe them and let them go by, without giving them any power over you or undue attention, (this takes practise - but is well worth the initial effort, after a while it becomes something you can learn to do automatically)
Remember they are just thoughts and NOT the truth! (YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS!)
I do hope that what I have said helps you a little.
One final thing that took me a long time to learn, 'Knowing what to do is not quite enough - we have to do what we know'
I look forward to seeing you soon, take care and take a risk (seems like a bit of a paradox I know!)
In the meantime I send you love and best wishes. D x
Sometimes it can feel like you're balancing on a tight rope - not daring to move in any direction for fear of what might happen. Regretting parts of the past and fearful of the future. But - life is for living and as someone once said to me - the only way out is through. You're a thoroughly lovely human-being Si, decent and kind. You have the support of friends because you have given so much of yourself to people when things have been tough for them. Draw on their support now. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find the motivation, it's difficult - use the support you have, be encouraged that we're here willing you on and I KNOW that you can do whatever you want to. Hows about an adventure to the Observatory - wednesday afternoon for a bit of a jam - 1pm - 3pm, I'll bring me guit and 3 chords I know and you bring your vocal - what dya say! I'll even go on chordie.com and check out some ACDC! :-)
So good to see you posting again - welcome back.
I hate that word lazy - an easy and judgemental label that is applied to people who are struggling often with terrible preoccupations, anxiety and depression. When my son was 12 I was told he was lazy by several teachers at a parents evening. Despite me talking to the headteacher about his circumstances, the message had never got to his teachers that he was acting as carer for a very ill Mum who at the time was in and out of ward 90 (as it was then). Who was lazy then?
Try not to be hard on yourself - and I'm glad to hear that life is opening out for you.
Tone x
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