Hello everyone thanks for your supportive comments, as always it is nice to know there are people out there rooting for me!
I have got my computer out of its box now after looking at it with terror for the last few weeks. I was convinced there would be problems getting it on-line and guess what- there was! Virgin Media had only gone and supplied me with a start-up disc that was incompatible with my computer's operating system! I will be taking it to the American Clubhouse on wednesday to have it sorted out by a guy who works there, so hopefully I will be on-line soon!
I did manage 8 days smoke-free and was finding it quite easy, but I had 3 lots of very bad news concerning my benefits in the space of a few days. I was that stressed-out, I cracked and started smoking again (those bastards at the DWP have got alot to answer for!!). This really depressed me, but I have made an appointment with the smoking therapist and am going to a booster session on the 29th of this month, so hopefully I will stop for good this time. The really annoying thing about all this is I am convinced that had I gone a month or so before all that stress I would not of started smoking again!
At the moment I have been suffering very much from a return of the depression that seems to dog me every time I try to do something positive and things go wrong, or not quite to plan.
I confess that a couple of saturdays in a row a few weeks ago I sought solace and an escape from the ever-present and overwhelming negative, depressing thoughts by taking some amphetamine. I had a great time whilst I was out on the town with some friends but then earlier on this last week I started to feel really unwell mentally and I think the amphetamine was to blame. I know it was a really stupid thing to do and I don't deserve any sympathy, but I was so desperate to get some relief from the torment I was feeling.
I have stopped taking it now and vowed never to take it again, but the depression has come back with avengence. Sometimes I feel like just ending it all because I feel so miserable and stressed-out over every little thing, but I am trying my best to cope. I just get sick and tired of being sick and tired if you know what I mean?
I am doing this CCMH course if it kills me, but I feel very unsure about the prospect of ever being consistently well enough to go back to work. I will return to my Kung-fu when I feel better, and I try to console myself with the thought that I do have friends and family, no matter how lonely I feel, and that is alot more than some people have. Gary is a real friend to me and he is someone that I know I can trust, especially when I am feeling really low, and that is priceless! Thanks to all the people at media action, particularly Emma Brown, for their unwavering support and positivity. I hope that somehow this mindblogging can be kept going despite the withdrawal of funding, because it is a brilliant vehicle for people to support each other and speak from the heart.
Take care everyone and remember that there are people out there who care!
Simon x
I have got my computer out of its box now after looking at it with terror for the last few weeks. I was convinced there would be problems getting it on-line and guess what- there was! Virgin Media had only gone and supplied me with a start-up disc that was incompatible with my computer's operating system! I will be taking it to the American Clubhouse on wednesday to have it sorted out by a guy who works there, so hopefully I will be on-line soon!
I did manage 8 days smoke-free and was finding it quite easy, but I had 3 lots of very bad news concerning my benefits in the space of a few days. I was that stressed-out, I cracked and started smoking again (those bastards at the DWP have got alot to answer for!!). This really depressed me, but I have made an appointment with the smoking therapist and am going to a booster session on the 29th of this month, so hopefully I will stop for good this time. The really annoying thing about all this is I am convinced that had I gone a month or so before all that stress I would not of started smoking again!
At the moment I have been suffering very much from a return of the depression that seems to dog me every time I try to do something positive and things go wrong, or not quite to plan.
I confess that a couple of saturdays in a row a few weeks ago I sought solace and an escape from the ever-present and overwhelming negative, depressing thoughts by taking some amphetamine. I had a great time whilst I was out on the town with some friends but then earlier on this last week I started to feel really unwell mentally and I think the amphetamine was to blame. I know it was a really stupid thing to do and I don't deserve any sympathy, but I was so desperate to get some relief from the torment I was feeling.
I have stopped taking it now and vowed never to take it again, but the depression has come back with avengence. Sometimes I feel like just ending it all because I feel so miserable and stressed-out over every little thing, but I am trying my best to cope. I just get sick and tired of being sick and tired if you know what I mean?
I am doing this CCMH course if it kills me, but I feel very unsure about the prospect of ever being consistently well enough to go back to work. I will return to my Kung-fu when I feel better, and I try to console myself with the thought that I do have friends and family, no matter how lonely I feel, and that is alot more than some people have. Gary is a real friend to me and he is someone that I know I can trust, especially when I am feeling really low, and that is priceless! Thanks to all the people at media action, particularly Emma Brown, for their unwavering support and positivity. I hope that somehow this mindblogging can be kept going despite the withdrawal of funding, because it is a brilliant vehicle for people to support each other and speak from the heart.
Take care everyone and remember that there are people out there who care!
Simon x
3 comments:
Hi simes, Oh mate,so sorry that you're having such a rough time. When I saw you this morning, it made my day. Little did I know you'd be having such a difficult time. Sorry we didn't get to see you on Friday night, it was great to see you during the day - thanks for coming I know how much it meant to Em and to us all actually. Hope you had a good night. Come and see us if you get chance. Thinking of you my friend,
Em x
hya simon,
i think that the way that you've got to think about the whole lapse in the non smokin and general low feelings, is that it is a minor laspe simon, try not to let become a negitive force of its own, try to see it as a blip that will be a distant memory in time when ya ain't touched a cig in years! easier said than done i no!
your a strong and savvy bloke simon & i know things will get better for you in time.
sorry we missed ya on friday night, we did come down to you but because there was a few of us it wasn't as quick and simple as it may have been! hope it went ok though, didn't c ya at my part time place of work!! ;-)
hope to c u soon
p.s you can always bring ya comp into mind bloggling if ya have any more bother!
purkul
x
Hello Simon-
I know what a constant battle you have with negative speculation. It has been very daunting for you to challenge that 'doom and gloom' that sabotages your inner-peace.
Yet, despite that, you do challenge those sensations. That is such a positive thing. You have started to understand that you have the right to be happy.
Simon, you know that I will help, in anyway I can. My friend, continue on that journey towards contentment within yourself. Let's reinforce that positive momentum.
It is a privilege to be your friend. You are a thoroughly decent person. Take comfort in the knowledge that some very genuine folks care about buddy.
P.S. It's gonna' be great working with you at the Changes meeting! Cool or what eh dude?!
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